Dear Lord

 Dear Lord, Here I am watching the cold droplets of water kiss my skin as I still myself underneath the shower head. If only the water could wash away my guilty conscience. Deeply cleanse my soul. If only I could forget how great it tasted. Stolen berries. Dark berries. Juicy berries. If only I could forget how good it felt. The cuddles. The kisses underneath those expensive white sheets. If only I could forget how brand new the crisp hundred dollar notes smelt. Bills for the next six months taken care of. If only I could forget the look on her face when she walked in on us. Her first love. And probably her last. That is if she remembers her promise despite the hurt. Despite the defiled marriage bed. A vow to let only death do them part. If only I could forgive myself for the ruin I have caused. I have used him. I have used me. I have made a mistake. I have sinned and fallen short of your glory God. If only I could bring myself to answer the question she asked. Let alone forget it. The

 Dear Lord, I did not follow the man in his lifetime. He loved sport cars and could afford them. I love big cars and cannot afford them. Yet. Haha. We clearly had nothing in common. However, I have been closely following his death. May his soul rest in peace. What I can't shake off is how the ladies burnt to death. Umlotha. Beyond recognition. In my distress I always cry out to you Lord. I wonder if they did the same, as the flames consumed them. I wonder if they said little prayers. Did they whisper to your loving ears? Loud whispers? ‘Lord, it hurts, please take the pain away?' ‘Lord, keep my family for me?' ‘Lord, save me I promise to be a nun?' ‘Lord, it is finished, I commit my spirit unto you?' ‘Lord, make my death a lil faster?' ‘Lord, I'm not ready to leave it all behind.' ‘Lord, it has been a good life, thank you.' Did you wince when you heard their soul retching screams? Did you wince when you watched them burn from beauty to ashes? Did you