I wish.

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Dear Lord,

I wish I had a little control over the things that happen in my life. I wish I knew how to respond to every question that I ask myself. I wish I couldn't feel any emotions. I wish I could see into the future. I wish I could change people's stories. One sentence at a time. I wish I had control over time. Fly through it back and forth. I wish I had Cupid's bow and arrow. Get to enjoy umjolo. I wish life wasn't a maze. I wish music could not only make us dance but set us free. Give us wings. I wish I was confident enough not to bury the gifts I have but to use them to your glory. I wish I prayed more. Effectual fervent prayers that availeth much. I wish I didn't doubt your power at times. No matter how much the waves rise against me. I wish making the right choices was easier. I wish I didn't miss him this much. I wish the rain could cleanse our hurting land. I wish I only worry about things that matter. But again who by worrying has added a day to his life? I wish I was a perfect woman. A perfect sister. A perfect daughter. A perfect girlfriend. A good friend. I wish I was always available, ready to listen when you call. I wish I could save you from yourself. I wish I could save me from myself. I wish there wasn't a period of waiting between planting and harvesting season. I wish I was a little patient. I wish I could learn to enjoy the rain. I wish to look forward to seeing the rainbow after the storm. I wish I could hug him right now. I wish I understood what is left unsaid. I wish I could search your eyes and get all the answers. I wish you get better. I wish life wasn't as complicated. I wish I didn't care this much. I wish we could openly talk to our parents about this life thing. I wish we could be ourselves without fear of being judged. I wish I could accept what is not and hope for what could be. I wish I could enjoy today more. Live. Love. Laugh. Dream. Colour outside the lines. I wish to be able to fully trust you with my life, my all. I wish you could grant me this wish. To love without being hurt. To serve the Saviour. To understand that everything happens for a reason. To rest assured knowing that I am yours. Is that too much to ask from a loving Father? Hold my hand. Walk this journey with me. On my own I am bound to buckle under the pressure coming from all directions and within. Your will. Your way. My imperfect life. In Jesus's name I pray,

Amen. 

“Sometimes things become possible if we want them bad enough." ~T.S. Eliot


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