Stupid or not.

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 Dear Lord,

I'm not sure if not saying my truth in fear of hurting the next person even if they drag me to hell's gate makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if writing my feelings and not being able to say them out loud makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me choosing to uphold relationships despite my hurt makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if crying it out before facing my demons makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if taking all the bullshit thrown at me and always choosing to be the bigger person makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if pouring into other people's cups even if mine is running almost on empty is stupid or not. I'm not sure if me loving the way I do after being let down so many times makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me trusting him with my life makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me believing people will wake up some day and decide to stop being selfish makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me believing in second chances, seeing the good in people and being lied to over and over again makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me forgiving, failing to forget and in turn cutting them off makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me fearing to start over, to take life altering choices makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me waiting on you and believing one day things will get better makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me dreaming of that soft life and then stopping to look around at where I am and where I come from and feeling a little frightened, wondering ‘will I win?' makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me not accepting great opportunities in order to protect my peace makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if walking with my head held high every single day hiding the pain of rejection, criticism and defeat makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me being calm in the middle of a storm makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me never apologising for who I am, what I believe in and putting me first makes me stupid or not. Stupid or Thomasina? 

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” Brené Brown

Lord, this is what I know. Stupid or not, I'll continue to live from a space of love. I'll continue to treat the next person how I want to be treated in turn. I'll continue to give but make sure it's not from an empty cup. I'll continue to protect my sanity, my peace and my heart. I'll continue to express and deal with my emotions the best way I know how to. I'll continue to trust and wait on you because not only are your plans for my life great, your timing is also perfect. I'll continue to dream of brighter days because I know the universe is conspiring to make things happen in my favour. Yup! The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places. Ye I have a goodly heritage. I'll continue to walk with my head held high because you got me. I'll continue to be the best version of me. I'll continue to get on my knees and pray.

Lord, teach me to embrace my femininity, my body, my mind, my heart and my personality. I pray for a wholesome, fruitful, peaceful and happy life. In Jesus's name,

Amen. 

Comments

  1. UnknownMay 10, 2021 at 10:44 AM

    Today l just thought of checking your blog and guess what am so inspired and motivated, you are doing well Thomah,l have just received fresh hope thank you so much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear LordMay 10, 2021 at 2:45 PM

      Thank you so much for taking your time and going through it. Am glad it reminded you that you can talk to Jesus whenever. Stay blessed. xoxo

      Delete

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