Indoda must.

 Growing up I have heard a lot of talk about the perfect woman. The famous Proverbs 31 virtuous woman. I somehow haven't come across the description of the perfect man. Of course king Lemuel's mother warns him about ‘giving his strength to women' in lay man's language ‘sleeping around'. She tells him about how alcohol will negatively influence his decision making. She encourages him to open his mouth. To speak. To say his truth. To make a stand for what he believes is right. To be the voice of the voiceless. Lastly she gives him tips on how to choose a life partner. So maybe that could work as a yardstick for how a kingly man ought to behave. 

I have been hearing a lot of ‘indoda must' kind of talk lately. Indoda iphi? Indoda kabani? You mean your boyfriend or your husband? See I can't help but wonder ukuthi am I the one who is slow on getting on with the program. Indoda mayisebenze ibelemali. Indoda mayibe tall and dark. Indoda must have everything all figured out at an early age. Is that it? Siphelele lapho? That's what being a man is all about now? I can't help but feel like a lot has been left unsaid and as a result society has brought forward it's own boxes to be ticked regarding the perfect man. I can't help but wonder why we tend to forget that we are all human. We all have feelings. We all get beat down and tired. We all have dreams to make mama proud. We all live in the same earth that is cold and cruel. We forget the effects of the pandemic hit us all the same. Male or female. Yet we are still screaming at the top of our lungs hashtag indoda must. Yes a husband should be a provider. A protector. A lover. I get it. I want all of it for me uma iNkosi ivuma. Yes times have changed. I get it. But does the ‘don't do wife duties on a girlfriend tender' rule not work vice versa? I honestly can't help but feel like we are out here having unrealistic expectations on indoda. The supposedly ‘woke generation'. The ‘I am an independent woman generation' really be looking like a Mickey mouse clubhouse to me. Popeyesm at its peak! People holding themselves on high standards that don't matter or better yet make sense. I can't help but feel like standard to which we hold men is of the first curse. Cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life. Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee. In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground. Yet Jesus Christ wore that crown of thorns, nullifying this curse as he died on the cross. Oh what great love! The only indoda musts I want to be hearing right now are. Indoda must have his relationship right with the Lord. Indoda must be making progress in fulfilling his God given dreams. Indoda must know his place in the world (husband or father or son or boyfriend). Indoda must have a voice. Indoda must know how to say no. Indoda must not let these new age cultures influence his values. Indoda must not lose himself trying to keep up with the pressure social media puts on them. Indoda must always remember he is human. Ladies, don't kill me haha. I know we want to spoilt here and there. My point is let's just not act like it's part of the constitution. Vuka. Geza. Funda. Phanda. Get your own paper. Intombazana mayibelemali. Intombazana mayikwazi ukuzimela. Intombazana mayekele ukufaka the other gender unnecessary pressure.

I am not sure if all I said makes sense. I am still growing. I am still learning. I still have a lot of questions. But if you're gonna leave with something from this piece. Let it be this prayer. 

Dear Lord,

Give us a deep awareness of the suffering of another, coupled with the wish to relieve it. Help us be our brother's keeper. Not our brother's headache. May we be understanding of where our brothers are coming from, where they are and where they are going. May we not have unrealistic expectations of them. They are not characters from Marvel comics. They are human. Flesh and blood like us. Rid us of the ‘indoda must mentality'. May we do to our brothers as we would like done unto us. In all aspects of life. In Jesus's name we pray,

Amen.

1 Timothy 3 [2]A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;[3]Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous [4]One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;[6]Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil.[7]Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.[9]Holding the mystery of the faith in a pure conscience.

Extracts from Proverbs 31 and Genesis 3 used.

Please do leave comments on how you define the perfect man. What roles should indoda play in a courtship and in marriage?