Mind of a boyfriend.

 Dear Mdali, Lord

Is this on? Sorry, I haven't done this in a while. I hope you're all good up there. Saying that out loud made me realize how absurd that is, but I guess I am that lost. Frankly, I'm tired, beaten and somehow I can't find the one. This is what this is about Lord. A girl. A woman. Where's mine?

I do confess I've done my fair share of bad. I've lied, I've cheated, I've been broke among other sins. There's no justification for cheating, I know we often try to find reasons why men cheat. The truth as I see it is we men cheat because we just want to, our lack of inhibition and egocentric pangs of hunger gets the most of us. Then again, I'm not justifying why I did it, I want to understand if that's the reason why I keep getting the Eve bloods on my path. Maybe my rib is defective. Take another one Lord. Most of the Eves you gave me wondered into the world to eat fruits with serpents. Where's the woman you are keeping for me? 

You know the plans to prosper me, so is being broke all part of your plan Mdali? Down here, I can't find the one with the feet you gave me apparently I need wheels. They're not satisfied with the hair you gave them so I need money to help them choose what they prefer. You see it too. That aside, what's a man if he can't provide? Unconditional love does not buy comfort or pay for dinners. Does this mean the one you are keeping for me will be the breadwinner or do I need to live like Jeremiah? No money, no love, no woman, and no happiness? I do hope I am not a Hosea in this story, I've had my fill of that. I see how the modern day Solomons have wives, blessers and boyfriends they sponsor covertly, maybe this is your way of keeping me safe. Until I meet the one. I hope she understands that money doesn't grow on trees, things take planning, I'm doing my best and that I am not her father, You are. 

Proverbs 5:15 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.

Enough about me. I would like to pray for my brothers. May they find the courage to stay out of relationships until they get money, the roots of not having it make the women around them do evil things. I pray for wisdom to guide them out of toxic relationships, toxic masculinity, and leading women on when they know they're in relationships. In doubt, show them the people who their partners are cheating with so they invest in bricks and build houses instead of feeding the streets. In retrospect, grant them more wealth if it is Your will to feed some of these women. To those who abandoned their children, and violated women, show them a taste of their medicine. And to the faithful broke loving guys who got played, heal them, give them good matches. We can't all fall. May they find women to grow with, to love and cherish, just as you will give me mine. 

I don't know how to sign off. So thank you. Before I forget, may she be intelligent, pray, and not watch Indian series. I'd appreciate that very much. I also hope she has no male best friends and friends who mislead her into doing what they do. If it's not too much to ask, I hope she doesn't try to change me or shave my head, my strength lies in my personality. I also hope she doesn't ask for random favors and feel entitled with how I should spend my time. I'd love that very much. And lastly, may she not attract drama. 

Amen. 

By the way, it's me. Your son, the broke one. A Zimbabwean boyfriend.

Jabulile Sigola wrote this. 

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