Dear Lord

 Dear Lord, I'm not sure if not saying my truth in fear of hurting the next person even if they drag me to hell's gate makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if writing my feelings and not being able to say them out loud makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me choosing to uphold relationships despite my hurt makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if crying it out before facing my demons makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if taking all the bullshit thrown at me and always choosing to be the bigger person makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if pouring into other people's cups even if mine is running almost on empty is stupid or not. I'm not sure if me loving the way I do after being let down so many times makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me trusting him with my life makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me believing people will wake up some day and decide to stop being selfish makes me stupid or not. I'm not sure if me believing ...

 Dear Lord, I know that what I choose to stand for today will give me an identity tomorrow and sustain me in the future. I realise that if I don't stand for anything I'll surely fall for everything. I know if I stand in your word I cannot stand with the world. I pray that you help me stand for purity as a young person living in a crooked and perverse generation. Help me stand for the truth, the whole truth and nothing else but the truth, for I know only it will set me free. Help me stand for peace that comes from you and surpasses all understanding. May I stand for integrity like Job until God is proud of me.   “Prayer is man’s greatest power.” W. Clement Stone May I stand for righteousness without which no man can see God. Help me stand for excellency for I am not an ordinary child, I have been called to do great and mighty things. Help me stand for the justice of the poor and the afflicted just like Solomon. Help me to stand on my knees. It's only then that I'm able t...

 Dear Lord,  I have been sitting here marvelling at the beauty of the son. His head and hair white like wool. As white as snow. His eyes as a flame of fire. His feet like fine brass. As if they burned in a furnace. His voice as the sound of many waters. His countenance as the sun as it shines in its strength. He sits on your right hand. On a throne surrounded by a rainbow in sight like unto an emerald. Reigning as Lord, to the glory of God the Father. I am closely watching him extend his hand to me. Marks of where the nails pierced his hands on the day he hung on the cross and was left there to die, visible. Screaming of my forgiven sins. Screaming of an overwhelming love. Screaming of an eternal life of bliss. Worshipping at your feet. Singing holy, holy, holy. “My beloved.” he says to me, “Rise up, my love, my fair one and dance with me.” My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. What I still don't understand is why a King would choose...

 Dear Lord, I haven't cried this much for a long while now. Nose blocked. Gasping for air. Pillow dripping wet. Feel like throwing up. Head pounding kind of sobbing. Lord, I have been having a terrible time. I didn't even know how to say it in a prayer. I didn't even know how to sing it in a song. I didn't even know how to write it in a journal. Because thinking about it makes me sick all over again. Because thinking about it makes me feel all alone. Because thinking about it makes me build my walls higher. Because thinking about it makes me question you. I have been struggling to accept that people see the world using different sets of eyes. Or choose not to look but to carry the longest walking canes. I have been struggling to accept that if I find myself associating with friends with questionable habits and behaviors maybe I need to do a self-assessment on who I am. On what I stand for. On where I am headed. I have been struggling to accept that the people I love th...

  Dear Lord, Abba father, who art in heaven. Hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass agains us. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from all evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, in Jesus's name, Amen.

  Dear Lord, I worry about  her aging all alone. I wonder how it feels like to fall so deep in love and then watch it fade. I worry about her trying to grab hold of the violent wind. Only to sleep at night with nothing to hold. No one to hold her. No one to share her hopes with. No one to share her fears with. No one to share her dreams with. Does she still dream? I worry about her telling her daughter that if she was given a time machine she would go back in time and not get married. How will her baby girl confidently walk down the aisle not knowing what awaits beyond the ‘I dos’? How will her baby girl confidently walk down the aisle when all she knows are broken hearts and a cold home beyond the ‘I dos’? How will her baby girl stop looking for reason not to walk down the aisle in fear of history repeating itself through her beyond the ‘I dos’? How will her baby girl receive a love she's never seen being given beyond the ‘I dos’? I worry about her watching her sons grow into...

 Dear Lord, The moment I told the barber I want to go bald he laughed. Helped me with the apron. Changed the hair clippers of the shaving machine. He then looked me in the eye. Note. Not through the mirror in front of us. But straight into them and went like, umpabanga? Are you sure? At this point am now laughing. And affirm I want it all off. I was ready to step into a territory inhabited by a few brave individuals. Individuals with no ‘abantu bazothini’ syndrome. Individuals who own the bald look. He then says how he thought I was just messing with him and the conversation quickly shifts to how angry I must be, to take it all on my hair as he started to get busy doing what he knows best. Angry? How can one think a crown reset is all about emotions? Anger for that matter. Forgive their questioning stares Lord. Forgive them for conforming to ideas of seclusion and segregation nomatter how small. Forgive them for assuming that I am angry for having a new hair do. Lol. When he was do...